Weapon Ready For Rapture (NERDS ONLY)

According to Gunther von Harrigna, on May 21 “God will open up all the graves around the world… the entire surface of the earth will be littered with the decay of the people that died.” 

If Harrigna and the rest of the Christian radicals are correct about this Saturday, then we are all majorly screwed… unless you’ve been an avid gamer ever since you motor skills kicked in.

A part of me thinks maybe Harrigna is right about this Rapture solely because of the increase in zombie movies and post-apocalyptic video games over the last decade. Perhaps there is a God, and has his Almighty hand in our entertainment industry to prepare for the Second coming.

Here is my list of the weapons I would like to have handy this Saturday (all the while this Glee Thriller/Heads Will Roll mash-up playing in the background) for some Badass-Rapture-Zombie-Smashing:

Modern Warfare 2’s SCAR-H and Akimbo Rangers

The Scar was undoubtedly my favorite assault rifle of the game. For this Saturday I’ll probably pair it with a suppressor so I can stealthily mutilate the undead.

For close range combat, and this is imminent as I live in a city with narrow streets and buildings, I’ll harness my inner cheapskate and go with Akimbo Rangers. This is, of course, if Saturday isn’t playing by Black Ops rules and all the secondary weapons are laaame.

Dune Buggy from Borderlands

This will not only be my mode of transportation when my Hyundai Sonata fails to turn on (a la Tom Cruise’s War of the Worlds), but also a deadly killing machine. These things can kill level sixty creatures just as easily as level one’s with one satisfying squish. I will also be riding in style in the hot pink option.

Motley of Melee Weapons

These will include:

  • Guitar from Left 4 Dead
  • The Ripper from Fallout 3
  • The Fan from Super Smash Bros. Brawl
  • The Sex Toy from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
  • Katana from ANY game
  • The Wrench from BioShock, ideally paired with Zombie-weakening electricity or ice. And after all we are dealing with Rapture
  • Elder Wand… Duh
So whether you are of the Chosen few to ascend, or those damned to everlasting doom, tomorrow should be fun for all – if you are prepared like me.
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6 Responses to Weapon Ready For Rapture (NERDS ONLY)

  1. ryan says:

    Ok so this is such a great post really upset that I didnt think of it. Also I would have liked to participate in this list.

    Energy sword from halo.
    The AA-12 not from cod but from Socom
    Tanooki suit from mario
    Golden gun from goldeneye 64
    The hammer from super mario and donkey kong
    cerebral bore from turok 2
    spread gun from contra
    BFG in doom

  2. kellie says:

    i’ll kill you with my bare hands.

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