I would like to think I’m somewhat of a movie buff, with my interests ranging from good old classics and popular blockbusters to snobby foreign films and Indie productions. I love how I just used the word “film,” which itself is awesomely snobby and used frequently by me. FYI… I love good movie recommendations and it would be super neat if you were to comment or send me some of your own favorite hidden gems.
My life before this glorious beacon of hope – Netflix – is a dark and scary void. I have tried to force these Dark Ages into the recessed part of my brain. Years from now I’ll be fetal-positioning it up in a therapist’s office while he tries to make me recount these meaningless years of my life.
ANYWAY… after spending way too many hours catching up on new shows and orgasming when a new movie is in my mailbox, I started re-watching some of my childhood favorites. And I have one thing to say to my mother:
“Why the @#$% did you let watch some of these things!?”
Nightmares were re-had from maniacal villains, some of which are from “child-appropriate” movies. Maybe I’m just a giant wuss and over think the mental capabilities of said villains. Or, more likely, Disney hires serial killers to give their two cents on how best to scare the androgynous pants of young tomboy Sammi (and make her bowl haircut stand up on ends – another question I need to ask my mother… WHY?! ->)
I decided to sum up and share the top five most horrifying characters from these childhood *films.*
5. Hobo from Dennis the Menace (1995)
Starting off the list as the least threatening -yet terrifying – bad guy is the hobo from Dennis the Menace. Interesting fact, this character’s name is Switchblade Sam; if I had known this while seven years old, I’d have had even more nightmares with the bulletproof logic that because MY name was Sam I was destined to be switch-bladed.
Sam is played by Christopher Lloyd, who is inarguably THE man. However, the make-up and grime makes him unrecognizable and downright frightening. Also, I distinctly remember him stealing a super creepy doll from the annoying redhead girl in the movie, and most of my nightmares consisted of him in the scene where Sam grossly eats a can of Beans.
4. Vet from Beethoven (1992)
The vet from one of the best dog movies, Beethoven, still haunts me in my sleep. Today, when I take my cats to the vet I still hold my breath, scared he will walk through the door.
Now, image-wise he isn’t the crazy looking but he definitely was a villain who gets under your skin and messes with your mind. He reminds me of a guy I would see in my Complete Encyclopedia of Serial Killers (I’m not crazy, I swear).
I re-watched Beethoven recently, and a factor that may have contributed to my outlandish fear of this dude is the scene where he orders his cronies to destroy supplies and documents in a furnace. When I was six (and until now), I thought there were puppies in all those boxes being shoved into the flames. What the hell…?
3. Clown from The Brave Little Toaster (1987)
I think any description I could have written is bested by this video. If you haven’t seen Brave Little Toaster, it’s awesome, but who in God’s name did they get to come up with this absolutely horrifying clown for a kid’s movie. Watch the video and you’ll get what I’m saying.
Amiright, or amiright?
2. Aliens from Mars Attacks! (1996)
I know I’ll get a lot of flak for this, because it’s supposed to be a comedy, but these aliens seriously scared the bee-Jesus out of me. It was insanely difficult posting a picture on here as they are so creepy I could barely stand seeing them again.
One scene in particular I remember is the leader of the aliens shakes the President’s hand for a “peace treaty.” The leader’s hand detaches and crawls around the president while everyone watches with bated breath. They the hand forms a tail-spike-thingy and stabs the president through the heart. Surprise, Mr. President! Night-terror territory. I’m not sure how accurate this is but I refuse to check my facts and re-watch any scene.
1. Vigo from Ghostbusters II (1989)
I’m a huge Ghostbusters fan and my ring tone for at least three years was the Ghostbuster’s theme-song.
But my biggest childhood boogeyman is undoubtedly Vigo, the guy who comes out of the painting. Watching this film as an adult, I’m still unsettled by him. Vigo’s backstory, which made more sense at 22 than 6, makes him even creepier:
“On a mountain of skulls, in a castle of pain, he sat on a throne of blood… Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. In 1610 his people rebelled against him, and decided that his death should equal his cruelty. Vigo was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, and finally drawn and quartered. Before he finally died, his severed head uttered his last words: “Death is a but a door, time is but a window. I’ll be back!” -Mulitversal Omnipedia
Vigo’s ability to transcend earthly rules and flit around in the realms of both the living and the dead make him the creepiest bad guy I’ve ever experienced on screen. This girl will only rest easy knowing Bill Murray is around to kick your butt.
So, Vigo rounds out my top villain list. I’m now interested to know your guys’ scariest villains that still give you the heebie jeebies. I don’t want to be the only one staying awake tonight after recounting these terrors. 🙂